Annabeth Assumes
by FuckTheAUTHORity
Summary: Percy likes Annabeth and he's a totally sweet and dorky guy looking for a real relationship. This is a hilarious story about how Annabeth has a crush on Percy, but she assumes way too much. *Highly OOC Annabeth and other characters*
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Am I Rick Riordan? No.

Chapter 1:

Annabeth:

Im the kind of girl who likes a routine. I also like to be organized, make lists, and read books. These are all reasons people think I have OCD. I don't! Just because a girl likes to wear clean socks, shower every morning, and write down reminders to replenish her tampon supply does not make a person obsessively compulsive. And gods forbid someone actually likes to read for FUN! Luckily people know if they talk shit about me to my face I'll use their own weapon to slit their pathetic little throat.

So basically, my routine consists of sleeping 8 hours, waking up and showering, eating breakfast, practicing swordsmanship, and then going back to my cabin to indulge in my secret obsession with My Little Pony. Applejack is my homie. I would take a bullet for that bitch. All the rest of the day is left up to chance.

So here I am in the middle of season 2 episode 7 where Spike is just about to admit he's a closet lesbian when my "best friend" Piper burst into my room. I put quotes around best friend because in reality, I fucking can't stand her. She won't shut up about how hot her boyfriend Jason is. If only she knew how many times i'd seen him role playing as Cinderella through the window of his cabin. And yes I do freely admit I spy on people through windows with night vision goggles. What can I say? I have no life.

So basically this bitch just pops in whenever she wants because that's what best friends do, they surprise each other. I wonder how surprised she'd be if I tackled her to the ground and slapped her silly.

"Hey Annie!" she says. " I was just going to the beach with Grover and Leo, wanna come?"

"Why yes, I do wanna come, just not to the beach with you and those idiots." I reply.

Piper gives me a disgusted face and hastily retreats out the door. Since she ruined my MLP mindset, I decide to look up pictures of sexy mustaches. I have kind of a thing for them. My favorite one was of some guy named Adolf Hitler. The name sounds familiar to me but I can't quite place it. Maybe he was in some music video or on Dancing With the Stars.

After that, I decide to go check on my real best friend and secret crush, Percy Jackson. Everyone thinks he's a real weenie since he accidentally tripped and fell tearing the golden fleece and rendering it useless last year. Chiron managed to fix the problem of monsters killing everyone in sight with his brilliant idea. He had us make a huge steel fence around the entire camp and he charged the monsters one drachma each to get in. And he even made it so they agree to eat only the insignificant side characters that nobody gives two shits about. How great is that? So yeah anyway I stroll out of my cabin dressed like the total slut that I dream of being and on my way to the Poseidon cabin I try to prefect my pimp walk. I get a few weird looks but I knew they all secretly thought it was hot. I bang on Percy's door five times. Someday I hope to be banged on Percy's door five times...or six..or seven. Percy opens the door wearing only a pair of hot pink boxers with rainbow dash on them.

"Huh waah?" he gurgles. "Omigah! Is that rainbow dash?" I squeal pointing to his lower region. His eyes suddenly come into focus and he looks at me blushing bright red. "Annabeth! What the hades are you doing here? It's like 2 in the afternoon!" he shouts. "Never mind that! I didn't know you liked MLP!" I say. "Of course I do. What's not to like? Colorful ponies with big bright eyes going on adventures, having torrid affairs, and going on killing sprees on a whim. Not to mention all the not so subtle innuendos!" he exclaims. We then proceed to have a forty five minute conversation about the joys of MLP and planning the perfect murder. I even had him get his sketchbook so we could draw detailed diagrams. "No no no Percy, that's not sensible at all. If we were to drown the pope we could just have your dad get rid of the evidence, it's much more logical!" I say erasing the picture of a crude stick figure burning at a stake and replacing it with a heartwarming picture of Dora the Explorer covered in chains and sinking to the bottom of the Atlantic. As I furiously draw her transgender backpack, Percy starts to speak again. "Hey Annabeth?" he says slowly like I am a two year old kid with autism. "Yes Percy?" I bite out bitterly. Just because he's cute doesn't mean he doesnt get on my nerves. " I was wondering if perhaps you uh, maybe um...do you want to go to the movies with me on Saturday? We could see that new film about the apple named Greg who discovers his sexuality through a series of different drug induced hallucinations. I heard it's really good and it's supposed to win an Oscar." I didn't hear anything after he said movies. He asked me out! He's so totally in love with me! Or maybe not in love but he at least likes me. I mean he did ask me out to the movies and even the dumbest preschooler on the playground knows that he's really just asking for sex. And boy am i going to give it to him! This could be just what I need to kick off my reputation as the camp slut and put the selfish bastard Drew in her place as the rebound slut. "Hell yeah I'll go out with you Percy!" I hastily reply pumping my fist in the air like a Japanese school girl from an anime show that I like so totally don't watch because I'm like completely above that like definitely...yea. I'm a shitty liar. I then grab Percy and engulf him in a very long and very awkward hug in which he never hugs back. When I finally pull away and grin at him he gulps loudly and gestures toward the door. I give him a quick two finger salute (two middle fingers that is) and walk out of the cabin making sure to over exaggerate the swinging of my hips. I head back to my cabin to pick out some attractive lingerie for our date Saturday and to finish drawing Dora's ass.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own a damn thing. I'm practically homeless.

Chapter 2:

Annabeth:

I just had the weirdest dream ever. I was some kind of slut and I liked My Little Pony. And Percy asked me out and I thought he wanted sex! I can't even fathom any of these things being true in reality!

I mean, get real, I'm not just some kind of slut I'm THE slut! And I don't like My Little Pony, I fucking love it! As for that last part actually yeah that happened.

I get up out of my bed and head towards the shower. Once in the shower I strip down and grab my rubber ducky Mr. Squiggles. There was a brief period of time in which I thought I might love him but in the end, we decided to just be friends. Now he's my favorite bath time toy. But don't tell that to Ally the Alligator and Pepper the squeezy Penguin. So after I play with those guys for awhile I get out and go to my drawer to get dressed. In a rare moment of modesty, I decide to wear my see through tank top (with a see through bra of course, I'm not a total animal!), my leggings (also see through-duh), and my stripper heels.

After I'm dressed I head outside and go to the Aphrodite cabin. Once I get to the door I knock thrice. "Psst, it's me Annabeth, do you have the stuff?" I whisper very loudly so I recieve multiple dirty looks from sleepy campers. Piper opens the door and gestures me inside discreetly. "Yeah I got it." she says. "Yes!" I exclaim " let's see it!" She opens the black trash bag lying on her bed and reveals several pirated DVD copies of The Notebook. "How many do you want?" she asks in a low voice "God Piper it's not like we're doing anything wrong you're making us looks suspicious." I say. "Quiet down Annabeth, this is wrong, pirated DVDs are illegal you know."she states. I I walk to the window and open it cupping my hands around my mouth "Why yes Piper, I will have the premium drugs thank you for asking" I shout at the top of my lungs. "Shhh!" Piper whispers pulling me away from the window. "Just tell me how many copies you want so you can get out of here already!" she says. "Yeah yeah yeah, I'll just take one. Save the others for the heartbroken ladies who will run amuck after I have sex with Percy on Saturday."I say with a smile in my voice. "Sex!? With Percy?! Saturday?!" She asks surprised. "Yes Piper, congratulations on restating everything I just said five seconds ago."I say sarcastically. "Are you sure he wanted sex? Maybe he was just asking you out because he genuinely likes you, not because of your body." she tells me. "Oh please Piper, have you seen me lately? There's no way in hades he doesn't want sex. I'm fucking gorgeous!" I exclaim confidently. "Alright alright! Hey Annie, I've got a job for you. See I really like Jason and- "No way really? I never would have guessed!" I say with fake enthusiasm. She shoots me a look and I smirk at her as she continues "so yeah, I really like him and I- "Let me guess, you want me to sneak into his cabin, drug him, and kidnap him for you delivering him to your cabin?"I say. "Actually I was just going to ask you to deliver a love note to him, but your idea is much better! Get on that will ya?"she demands. I smile at her and say "I guess I will need the premium drugs after all!"


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I'm not claiming im Rick so this is kinda pointless but whatever it's not like I'm making dollars for this shit it's just because I'm bored and need to vent so yeah whatever annoying disclaimer thingy

Chapter 3:

Annabeth:

Stealing drugs from Travis Stoll is harder than one might be led to believe. You see, I had wrongly assumed I could sneak into his cabin whilst he was out on his date with Katie. Sadly, it looked to me like they had taken their "date" to the couch in the center of the room. Of course, the syringe filled with 4cc of pure crazy hallucination inducing drugs that I needed just had to be sitting in the coffee table...right in front of the couch. I figured that pulling a job like this would require all of the ninja skills in my possession so I decided the best way to reduce minimal suffering on my part was the simple grab and run. So as I stood looking into the cabin window pressing a devious smile into the window ledge and chuckling maniacally under my breath I didn't notice Connor Stoll creep up behind me as I was preparing to put my plan into action.

"Sup Beth!" he squeaked obnoxiously into my ear. I jumped fifteen feet into the air.

"Jesus Christ! What the hell man?! Can't you see I'm trying to steal drugs from your idiot brother!" I exclaim outraged.

"Annie I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but, Jesus is a myth, we believe in the Greek gods remember? You must be getting Alzheimer's, he was a demigod you know. Yep. Lost a bet with Kronos himself. They were playing Texas hold em, the most intense game of the gods after pin the tail on the basilisk and never have I ever. Also, I can get you those drugs no problem, watch the master work darlin." he proclaims winking at me.

I look on in admiration as he clears his throat and starts screaming fire in his girliest voice. Sure enough a few seconds later Travis runs out of the building crying and screaming hysterically before crashing in a large flat part of grass where he begins rolling around and patting himself in places that should never be touched in a public setting. Travis has a major fear of fire after he burned his pinkie roasting a marshmallow last year. Katie slowly walks out behind him sighing before leaning against Thalia's tree and lighting up a Marlboro cigarette.

"Wow thanks Connor I owe you one" I reply smiling

"Actually that's three you owe me now and believe me when I say I will not be forgetting anytime soon. Also, if things don't work out with Percy, you know where to find me."

"How do you know about me and Percy?"I ask curiously

"Are you kidding, Percy won't shut up about his date with you and how you're so beautiful and smart and he can't believe his luck. He says you're going to see that movie about the retarded apple, is that true?" Connor asks

"Yeah actually I've kinda been wanting to see it for awhile now and-" I say but Connor cuts me off dismissively.

"Hey I got to go see you around beautiful, also, Frank and Maurice die at the end and Terry the pineapple ends up with Clarence the Blueberry instead. It's all very clique." Connor says smirking and runs off.

That jerk! He totally spoiled the movie for me! Oh well, at least I still have Percy's body to look forward to. Smiling to myself I walk into the cabin and snatch up the syringe before walking dramatically toward the Zeus cabin.


End file.
